Why Are Lifelong Friends So Rare?

Karis Kim
Apr 23, 2020
3 min read

True friends are few and far between.

The other day, I had a stimulating conversation with a friend (hi Gaurav) that still has me thinking. I started with this quote because this conversation has me thinking about my now difficulty in making close friends, and why I’ve had such few friends who have lasted years through any tribulations.

For some reason, this incredibly cliche saying rings increasingly true as I grow older. As my age goes up, my ability to make and retain friends seems to go down. I still remember the days when the first kid I saw on the playground was my best friend for that day. But why has it become so difficult to make friends in this age?

My guess is that as we get older, it becomes harder to trust people; our standards form around experiences; our hearts break from unsuccessful friendships, and our growing antisocial behavior becomes a defense mechanism.

For this reason, when you find a forever friend, hold on to them and never ever let go. I have been deceived many times in searching for a friend soulmate, latching on too quickly and hurting myself in the process. Thankfully, I can say that through all the people who have come and gone in my life, I have had a few constants in my life. However, I am grateful for every encounter and every person who has stopped by, no matter how briefly because they had a small part of making me who I am today.

Today, I would like to highlight one of the best people in my life who has been a great demonstration of unconditional love and true friendship.

This is my best friend, Jenny Chai. We met when she first immigrated to the United States in first grade, and I was assigned as her “translator,” even though my Korean was pretty crap at the time. Jenny moved away a couple of years later, but through the grace of God we were reconnected in sixth grade, and we have had an unbreakable bond since.

When Gaurav and I were speaking, I thought about the few people I truly consider forever friends, and she was one of the first people who popped up in my head. So, I started thinking: what is it that makes her so special? There are three concepts that best explain this.

1 . She speaks not to please me, but to lead me in the right direction.

This looks different in every relationship, but for us, it means always going back to God. In our darkest times, the times where we lacked so much clarity and understanding, we always had each other. Jenny is one of the few friends who has seen me in my most hopeless spout of depression and stuck out her hand to help me climb out. Her thoughtful and empathetic words always lead me back to Christ, our one true constant in our lives, even when it is not what I want to hear.

2 . We have gone months, and sometimes almost a full year without seeing each other, and nothing ever changes.

This does not mean we did not make time for each other, but going to different schools, different churches, and different friend groups while taking on AP courses and extracurricular activities at our respective schools made hanging out Mission Impossible. Because of this, we so cherished the moments our schedules did miraculously align, never skipping a beat. It is even more difficult now, going to school in two different states, requiring meticulous planning on our part to see each other even for one day. But, it is so very worth it.

3 . We are full of endless love & support for each other

Jenny is one of my biggest supporters. Through all my life crises, new hobbies, and trivial boy problems, she has always fully listened and tried to understand. Not everything that interests me interests her, but I am so thankful to have someone who cares anyways. We are always full of pride for each other, even if we do not fully understand the situation. A true friend will never be angry at your success, or turn the other way because they don’t really understand your excitement. They will wholly support you, regardless of their place in the situation.

Thank you for fangirling over k-dramas with me; sobbing with me when the world seems too harsh;